Know that I, the Lord, am your Saviour, your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob. Isaiah 60:16 (NIV)

Here are some real answers to questions asked by teachers in Huntsville, Alabama:

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?

A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized (e.g., abdomen)?

A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels; A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarian Section.”

A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.

A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

It’s not just students who sometimes get things wrong. We’re all limited in our knowledge. But here are some things about God we should all know:

“Know that I am the Lord your God” Exodus 6:7.

“Know there is no one like the Lord our God” Exodus 8:10.

“Know that the earth’s is the Lord’s” Exodus 9:29.

“Know that the Lord is greater than all other gods” Exodus 18:11.

“Know that the Lord is God; besides him there is no other” Deuteronomy 4:35.

“Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you” Deuteronomy 8:5.

Know that God tests the heart and is “pleased with integrity” 1 Chronicles 29:17.

Know that the “Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth” Job 19:25.

“Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord will hear when I call to him” Psalm 4:3.

“Know that the Lord saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand” Psalm 20:6.

“Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us” Psalm 100:3.

“Know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy” Psalm 140:12.

“Know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it” Ecclesiastes 3:14.

“Know that I am the Lord . . . who calls you by name” Isaiah 45:3.

“Know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins” Matthew 9:6.

“Know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him” Romans 6:9.

“Know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28.

“Know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus” 2 Corinthians 4:14.

“Know what it is to fear the Lord” 2 Corinthians 5:11.

“Know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does” Ephesians 6:8.

“Know that he hears us” 1 John 5:15.